Dear Susie,

I can’t wait until you get down here! Can you believe it’s been three years since we have seen each other? I hope I can make your first New York City experience a great one!

Love you lots!

Me

DISCLAIMER: Neither the host nor any one associated with the host shall be liable for any errors or events of uninterest had by the aforementioned guest. If guest has lost any personal items due to inherent stupidity or ignorance of urban culture the host is not responsible for looking nor replacing the lost item. The phrases "Oh…we're in the big city now!" or "I better not do that while I’m in the city, I’ll look like a tourist" will not be tolerated. The guest is a tourist and will be treated as such if the guest makes any said remarks or of the kind. The guest will make specific food choices to expatiate the process of restaurant selection. "What’s a good place to eat?", will be ignored and will cause merciless public mockery until a detailed cuisine is selected. Thousands of establishment for Dionysic enjoyment are placed haphazardly throughout the New York Metropolitan Area and the host has not been to every establishment or neighborhood and may not be knowledgeable about every venue to meet the guest specific social needs, i.e. karaoke, bands, cute people, singles, some bar that will take requests and so on. "A fun place to hang out" does not exist. It is the responsibility of the guest to enjoy the company of host in whatever environment is mutually chosen. The Host should not be the soul director of guest’s urban travel. The Metropolitan Transit Association had spent millions of dollars in designing, reproducing and distributing maps for the consumer’s convienence. In addition to the maps, the MTA has provided staff at each terminal entrance to assist one’s traveling inquiries (the prices are being raised a phenomenal 33.33%, make use of this luxury.). The host may display mild mood swings depending on the dependence of the guest. Personal space and time reduction, constant inquiries and any length of time spent in Times Square, Herald Square, Battery Park, Soho and Canal Street may cause the host moodiness, fatigue, claustrophobia and sexual dysfunction.