This is not a drill!
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It’s also not a joke - but it’s funny!
I know I got your attention with that title, so let me thank you for checking this out -
This will be entertaining, I assure you!
So, it’s a bright sunny day in paradise, and my partner and I were trying to come up with a way to work with our clients that didn’t feel like we were screwing them. Anyway, that’s how we roll… No screwing... Company policy. It’s truly unfortunate that we’ve grown so desensitized to the story of the “ad agency” that charges a monthly fee for websites, and “SEO stuff”, and all sorts of crap that does absolutely nothing at all to make the phone ring for you.
My name is Sean, and I own and operate this lovely ‘new-minded’ marketing business with my business partner. In business since 2020, we have a combined 77 years of experience on this Earth!!! It’s like a math problem, really. There were two men; one is wise, and the other more a wise-ass - how old is each? Lol.
Sorry. Stay with me -
What if, simple put, you didn’t even need a website to get to the top of Google searches? Because that’s not bullshit, at all. We are 100% honestly guaranteeing your business will be found on Google within 90 days, no website required. Now I’d even say we’d get you up in weeks (which is usually the case), but you’d think I was lying, right? Too good to be true stuff, right? But where’s a relationship built on dishonesty… So we guarantee your business is found on Google within 12 weeks, or you get every cent you pay us back - period!
Funny guy, but honest.
I’m a bad yes-man, and why bother buying the cigarette to blow smoke up your ass.... I don’t smoke. So, we guarantee 90 days. Big deal. In patients lies the truth, said the fifth beer.
Anyway, and again, all jokes aside for a second this is NOT bullshit - I will hop on the phone and chat with you about it whenever we’re both free, my pleasure...
… So I’ll elaborate on not needing a “website”, if you’d like. Websites give us headaches. Websites, suck. Updating them, for what??? SEO? You know what SEO stands for? Search for your friggin’ wallet! That’s what it stands for... Why play games? Listen. When you’re making so much money you’re bored - work on your website, and I’ll help. For real. Because that’s pretty much the time and money a real nice website that you’ll actually love takes. It takes boredom and patients, yet strangely, also your full concentration (i.e. TIME). And of course, money! So unless you’re shit rich, and board, let’s chat about getting you there... And if you’re in love with your website, go away.
Let’s do this a little differently, for once... No more friggin’ websites!!! Let us actually help you get found on Google, and we want nothing to do with your website! It’s corny, but I don’t want to give it all away in a Craigslist ad. We seriously take pride in keeping our clients busy, and that takes innovative thinking and adaptivity. It’s our job to keep a pulse on the newest happenings of digital marketing, and right now this is it…
Thanks so much for your time. Again, my name is Sean and I’m just a regular guy with a unique skill-set trying to make a difference. I hope we speak soon.
All my best,